Wednesday, December 22, 2004

There’s a deputy whose vocabulary consists of a few words and the F-bomb. He intersperses the F-bomb liberally throughout his sentences. He’s a former Marine and blames in on his tenure in the USMC. I’ve known plenty of Marines and while they had a certain fondness for that particular word, they didn’t use it as much as this guy.

There was one day that he said it no less than a couple dozen times in one statement. We were sitting in the conference/lunch room and I was astounded at the number of times he used it and the varying forms it took - noun, verb, adverb, adjective, etc. So I challenged him.

ME: Do you realize how many times you just said the f-word?

HIM: I was in the Marines!

ME: That’s no excuse. You need to be aware of what you say to people. It’s not always appropriate to use that kind of language.

HIM: I don’t care.

ME: You should. Here’s a proposal - for every time you say the f-word in my presence you owe me a quarter.

HIM: I’ll be broke in a week!

ME: That’s the point of the exercise.

But he accepted the challenge and within a couple minutes of that acceptance he was handing over his first quarter. That was about a month ago and I’ve collected about $4 so far. He avoids me like the plague and on the occasions he can’t avoid me he tries to keep silent. It’s hilarious. Today alone, I’ve collected $1.50 from him.

A couple of weeks ago we were eating lunch and he said it. “A-hem,” I cleared my throat and put out my hand into which he placed two dimes and a nickel. Another deputy, who wasn’t there for the original conversation, wondered what was going on. “You’re not the church lady,” the criminal clerk explained.

So I’m known as the church lady (although I’m no where near as funny as The Church Lady, nor as sanctimonious) and I’m also known as the F-word Fairy.

FWIW, the money collected is paying for the candy I keep on my desk for those who deign to visit my office.