So far we’re not winning The Battle of Jesse Will Eat the Dinner Put in Front of Him. Several nights this week he’s gone to bed with no dinner and begging for milk. This morning the first words he said to me when I went to change and dress him were, “Peanut butter?” In the form of the question, too. The poor boy has to be hungry.

I know that kids won’t let themselves starve, so I’m not too worried. However, he’s pretty stubborn (and we have no idea where he gets that trait) */guileless look* so I wonder how long he’ll continue to go to bed with no dinner before he finally gives in and eats something.

We’re also working on the side Battle of It’s Time to Wean Jesse Off of the Gallon of Milk He Consumes in a Day. Actually, he doesn’t drink quite that much milk, but he drinks more than he should. He won’t drink water unless he’s super hot and thirsty and I mean super hot and thirsty. He’s starting to drink some juices - orange is his favorite with apple now being added to his repertoire. But milk is his go-to beverage of choice and he drinks way too much of it.

Advice?

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1. Not sure I can offer any advise since I spawned the queen of picky eaters and failed miserably at winning the battles that ensued. 

   Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/26/09  at  09:28 AM

2. Can you really drink too much milk at his age? Joshua goes through it as well - granted he’s younger, but…I’m not going to fight that battle. Honestly, I’d rather he was drinking milk (esp. as we are also losing the eating battle around here) and getting nutrition than sugary juice (even 100% juice is mostly sugar.)

   So, here are my thoughts (and what we do) - do with them as you will.

   1) re the milk - if you’re really concerned, only offer him milk after he’s eaten. (This may also help him stop filling up on milk and may help with the eating what you put in front of him.) We had to do this when we were transitioning to solids off formula - we fed first, then offered the formula. Worked like a charm - I can’t imagine it wouldn’t work in this situation as well.

   2) re eating what you give him. Here’s where my rather more “crunchy” parenting comes into play, I’m sure (my mother, for example, is horrified but there you are). I have chosen not to make a battle out of eating. I have such serious issues about food and I’m fairly sure many of them are a result of the “eat what’s on your plate” battle that I remember vividly for my entire childhood. So, I make our dinner and he has to try it - but I also just start out making something he’ll eat. Which means that he’s existing on yogurt, green beans, and chicken (either nuggets or deli slices) and cheese. For now, I’m good with that - I really believe that he’ll grow out of it. As he gets older, we may be more strict about how many bites of “our” dinner he has to try - but for now (and again, I know he’s a year younger than Jesse, so that should definitely be considered), I’m consciously choosing not to make it a battle.

   Sorry for the book - good luck!

   Posted by beth  on  06/26/09  at  11:23 AM

3. my daughter has the same issues, so she has to eat as many bites as years she’s lived. dinner is still a battle, but for her personality if i give her an inch in that regard, she’d take a mile. i’ve also heard that only putting a bite or two on the plate helps keep dinner from being an overwhelming experience.

   Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/26/09  at  11:42 AM

4. Mom - heh. I know.

   beth - re #1, we’re working on the eat first, milk later. This is a problem.

   re #2, we did prepare his own meal, but we’re reaching the point where that is going to be a hassle and he really needs to learn that we don’t run a cafeteria. He eats the dinner that is prepared for the family. However, I get what you’re saying about issues later and this is why I’m concerned about the battle to begin with.

   Anne, we’re asking for only one bite at this point. If he does that then I’ll increase it to the number of years - we had to do that as kids and it’s reasonable. And we’re keeping the portion on his plate minimal, too. And making sure to include all food items knowing that what he rejects today is something he’ll eat tomorrow.

   *sigh* Parenting is hard. =)

   Posted by jen  on  06/26/09  at  12:34 PM

5. Your last comment hits the nail on the head: parenting is hard. And just when you *think* you’ve got it figured out, the kids change the rules on you.

   Posted by beth  on  06/26/09  at  03:41 PM

6. I had a thought today - Joshua really loves crystal light iced tea. I’m not sure what your feelings on artificial sweeteners are, but if you’re ok with them, it’s essentially water (IMO) and it might be a way to try for something else.

   Posted by beth  on  06/27/09  at  08:58 PM

7. I’ve never had a super picky eater, but my 5yo is by far my pickiest.  I agree with beth in that I won’t let it become a battle.  You really can’t make a child eat.  I do think it’s important to expose him to a variety of foods, but I wouldn’t insist on a bite or bites til he’s older (I have no problem telling my 10 yo to eat his broccoli, maybe it’s the way they grow in logic).

   I try to make sure there’s something for her at each meal that she likes.  If I’m serving pasta, I don’t mind setting some plain aside for her to, ahem, dip in ketchup.  I do encourage her to eat a bite of veggies before she clears her place if she hasn’t already, but if she really doesn’t want to it’s no big deal. 

   If I’m making tuna casserole or something I know she hates, I have no problem making her a pbj or having her make it (whole wheat bread, natural pb, all-fruit jam… it’s not a bad choice).  It’s okay that she hates tuna, just like it’s okay if you hate tuna.  I know she won’t touch zucchini, so I’ll cut a few carrot strips for her or open a can of fruit.  But usually I separate something for her from what I’m making and it’s hardly any trouble.

   There are some neat cookbooks out there that tell you how to puree all kinds of veggies and add them to muffins, brownies, etc.  I like Deceptively Delicious by Jerry Seinfeld’s wife. 

   About the milk, I would give him a cup at appointed times, say three times a day or whatever you decide, and any other time he wants milk offer water or diluted juice (1/2 water?).  In my experience, big changes like that will bring out big emotions, but after a few days, maybe a week, he’ll be used to it.

   Another thought, if he’s drinking that much milk, he may not be as hungry at meal time because of all the calories he gets from milk. Maybe when you cut back the milk you’ll see his appetite for other things increase.

   Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/28/09  at  12:15 AM

8. I thought of something else… you can look at meal time as a discipline issue in which case when you tell the child to eat and he refuses, he’s disobeying and that requires consequences.  Or you can see it simply as living together,  sharing a meal and time together, considering food preferences like you would for anyone else at your table, all the while modeling healthy choices and making them available.  Make sense?  Each family finds its own balance I think.

   Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/28/09  at  01:12 PM

9. Interestingly, he started drinking more apple juice and water this weekend. I’m sure it was because he was thirsty after playing outside, but he didn’t demand milk.

   We have started to limit his milk before/during a meal and he is eating more. We knew that milk was part of his problem - he was filling up on milk.

   kbf, I think we’re still trying to figure out if it’s a discipline issue or to ease up and just fix what we know he likes. We’re concerned that he’s not getting enough of the good stuff that we know he needs to eat, like his veggies and fruit.

   It’s hard to know which way to go.

   Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/29/09  at  09:29 AM

10. Actually, kids will let themselves starve unless they have direct access to the food they want (In Jesse’s case, peanut butter). Then again, there’s always air and crackers.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  06/30/09  at  08:52 AM

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