About a month ago Beau and I received an email from a staff person from our church who coordinates the volunteers in the childrens classrooms during our weekend services. She said that they really hoped that parents who used the services of the nursery classrooms would consider giving one weekend a month by volunteering to work the classroom that their child enjoys and asked when Beau and/or I would be available to serve.

I emailed her back immediately to let her know that Beau probably would never be able to to help out because of his parking lot duties - he was asked to be the leader of that ministry area and he has accepted that position. This means he’ll be working the parking lots most weekends, including the occasional Saturday night service, too. And I had just been told that I was welcome back to the worship team and waiting to hear back on dates I’d be asked to sing in the next couple of months, but that I’d get back to her when I knew of Sunday mornings that I would be free to help.

Once I told her those dates, she immediately put me on the schedule for a Sunday in July and August for the 11:15am service. Since both are on Sundays that Beau is in the parking lot, we decided to not to attend our usual Saturday evening service, but to just attend the first Sunday am service and then I’d be in the walkers room while Beau tends to the parking lot.

Today was my first morning in the walkers room. Let me say this ... I have great admiration for the people who are called to work with little kids. I’m not one of them. I am at a complete loss how to entertain other people’s kids. And I was ultimately unhappy about the fact that Jesse’s routine was hugely upset by our 4 hours at the church - he got no nap and lunch wasn’t until about 1:30pm. Now there are days at home when he doesn’t get lunch until nearly 2pm, but that’s after a 3 hour nap. By the end of the time he was exhausted, but he won’t snuggle or sit quietly if there’s activity around. As soon as we got him strapped in his car seat, he was asleep. Once home we fed him as fast as we could before he had a meltdown and then put him down for a nap.

On the way home, I suggested that maybe I ask my parents to watch Jesse next time so that he can get his normal morning nap. Beau said it’s silly for the babysitter to need to get a babysitter. He kind of has a point.

Also, how many ministry areas are we expected to help with? At some point, we have to be able to say “No,” right? This is how people get burned out. I got home, ate a quick lunch (after feeding and getting Jesse down for his nap), and then I took a 2 hour nap myself. So I think that I’m going to contact the staff person to let her know that I really can’t help in the walkers room - I’ll do the August date since I’m already scheduled, but no more after that. I’m already involved in four ministry areas - worship team, communion server, small group leader, and food prep for special occasions. Isn’t that enough?

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1. YES!  I just had to very recently restructure my volunteer activities at my church myself!  I had gotten so busy I found I was hardly able to worship during church.  Not good!

   Posted by  on  07/13/08  at  04:43 PM

2. Besides that, you are the mother of a small child which means your family is also one of your ministries.

   Posted by  on  07/13/08  at  05:28 PM

3. See...I’m on the fence. While in yours and Beau’s situation I would agree that a concession should be made, I heartily object (in general) to parents who use the nursery but never serve. Because then those of us who do serve (like myself, and I agree that I am not called to this because I have no idea what to do with OPKs either) end up serving way more often than we’d have to if everyone pitched in.

   So like I said, I can see that with your situation you should probably be excused, I think the policy is sound because it gives everyone else a bit of a break. I just get frustrated with parents who use the nursery at church as a chance for free babysitting (not saying you do this at all - we have tons at our church who do though - they even LEAVE CHURCH to run errands with their kids in the nursery.)

   Posted by beth  on  07/13/08  at  06:52 PM

4. beth, that’s my dilemma. If I didn’t serve anywhere else, then I’d do it with no hesitation. But the fact that we both serve regularly in so many areas (Beau is our small group leader and serves communion with me and he also pitches in for other things on occasion) means that adding one more thing makes a really, really full plate.

   There are so many people who don’t do much at all that should be the ones that pitch in to help with the kids. Imho.

   Posted by  on  07/13/08  at  07:00 PM

5. I’ve never heard of someone dropping their kids off at child care and then running errands, but that’s a great idea. You have me thinking now. Let me give this some thought.

   Jen, as for your situation. Is there any other ministry you can disconnect yourself from? I agree there has to be a point that you can’t give any more without your family life suffering.

   Posted by denis  on  07/13/08  at  10:34 PM

6. Why should I disconnect from the things I want to do in the church? I like the things I signed on for - I don’t like tending to other people’s kids.

   If I’m expected to tend to other people’s kids, in addition to serving in the areas that I’m already serving, and they are going to pursue me to do it, then I expect that they will pursue every other parent as well. I’m not sure they are doing that.

   Posted by  on  07/14/08  at  05:56 AM

7. Jen, it’s likely that they’re not pursuing the other parents - and that’s where the whole nursery duty thing peters out. It’s the parents who understand responsibility who agree to work there. I signed up for nursery because we put Josh in there and I don’t really do anything else at our church anymore, so working with babies once a month isn’t going to kill me. I totally think you should just tell them you’re already committed to the degree you’re able at church. There *have* to be other people who can serve. As a middle ground, you could say you’d be willing to be on 5th Sundays (since they’re so infrequent) or a backup sub (though that runs the risk of having less notice). Those are the two spots where my friend who does volunteer at our church a lot fills in out of the “every parent should participate” mindset.

   Posted by beth  on  07/14/08  at  06:50 AM

8. Years ago I remember Pastor Al saying that the parents of little ones should be the last ones to have to sign up for nursery duty since they had nursery duty 24/7 at home and needed a break at least for one hour on a Sunday. That was one reason Dad and I signed up to care for the infants at CBC once a month, which we did for years, so the parents could go and enjoy worship.  The other reason was so we could practice being grandparents. Why don’t I sign up now?  Sadly, I can’t get up and down from the floor as easily as I once could. :-(

   Posted by  on  07/14/08  at  09:27 AM

9. Marmie, I think Al had it right.

   Posted by  on  07/14/08  at  09:34 AM

10. Yes, Pastor Al seems to have had it right. I agree with that logic. But I’m not running the show. Oh, well. I agree that you shouldn’t need to serve child care at this point.

    Posted by denis  on  07/14/08  at  11:14 PM

11. The simple principle is that you should serve where you are called and not serve where you are not called. Too many churches rely upon the well-intentioned people who are committed to their church and end up volunteering in areas they weren’t called to serve in simply because of the obligatory notion of “If I don’t...who will?” The reality is...that’s not your problem. You are apparently faithfully serving in areas where you called...and that’s all you should be doing. When you begin serving in areas where you are not called, you end up doing so “in the flesh” (which God never obligates himself to honor) and you get in the way of the people who are called to serve in that area.

    Staff leadership should have a sense of where else their members serve. We forbid our extended care coordinator from asking people who are already in choir or worship teams, or in Sunday school leadership. We encourage the recruitment of volunteers in our older departments.

    Generally speaking, there is a “fair and reasonable service” expectation of all members...but we do not detail where that service should be fulfilled. From what you havae listed, you and Beau already meet that expectation. You don’t owe an explanation or a defense. With a clean conscience, I encourage you to simply fulfill the obligations you’ve already committed to fulfilling, and notify your coordinator of your unavailability beyond that date.

    Posted by Bryan  on  07/16/08  at  04:47 AM

12. Bryan, thanks. With a few days distance, I have let go of the guilt about it a little bit.

    You know, I know that our senior staff agrees with what you said. I think that our growth has been such that some of the junior staff may not know where folks have already committed to serve and are just following orders to get in touch for needed volunteers. And thinking about it further, the timing of their request was the kicker - I had just gotten back into the worship team thing. I really should have volunteered to help when I took the break from the worship team.

    Posted by  on  07/16/08  at  04:58 AM

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