Lintefiniel Musing...formerly Jen Speaks!

Struggling

1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.

2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah

4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.

5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;

6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?

8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Selah

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?

14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.

15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah

[UPDATE:] More below the fold…

Still Speaking...

1. I continue to have issues with Useless One #2. I won’t bore you with the details, but in a nutshell I asked her to do a favor for me (that would have saved the government several hundred dollars for 5 minutes of her time), she balked, I lost patience with her, I am now a pariah and getting the silent treatment.

2. We are the Downer family this week. Both Beau and I have moments of despair over this job thing - fortunately the moments seem to alternate so that we’re not both down at the same time. Jesse is oblivious, of course, and the one bright spot of continuing joy.

I believe we’re under spiritual attack. But even knowing that and also knowing that so many are praying with us doesn’t bring much consolation. I don’t want to be a whiner about this, but the hard truth is that it is hard at times to really live what I know is true. I know that God has a plan. I know that God will provide. I know that there is a reason for this season of job hunting that is so fruitless and seemingly hopeless. I know there is hope. I know, I know, I know.

But knowing doesn’t make it easier to deal with every day after two years. And if I’m feeling this way, I can’t even begin to imagine how Beau feels at his deepest core.

3. And yet we are so blessed. God has provided and continues to provide. He is incredibly faithful.

We were tithing, but not at the full 10%. But a few months ago, we determined that we needed to trust God more fully for our financial health and one step was to tithe in full. So for the past several months we have tithed as we believe we should and it is really amazing to look back at how He has fulfilled his promise to provide:

a. There is the slim possibility of a promotion opportunity for me in our office. It’s very remote, but my boss is working hard to see if it can be done. Even if the opportunity is approved, there is no guarantee that I would get the position - there are 4 of us qualified for it (although one is Useless One #2 and she is unlikely to get it, so that means it’s really only 3 to compete for the job). I have the edge over the others since I have a college degree and they don’t. Even with the one who has seniority, my degree trumps her years of service. So, we pray…

b. My small business continues to do well. I’ve had quite a few sales in the past couple of weeks and I have my spring open house this weekend. Where I was expecting only about 8 or 9 people, I now have about 11 who have said they will be there. One person has asked for items to be set aside and one special order I’m working on (but have not yet been paid for) is going to be picked up. I also received a special order this week for a bridal set, for which she has already paid. I have the promise for another special order from a friend at church - I’m waiting for a large supply order to come in to begin working with her on that. The Lord is blessing my fledgling little business and I’m grateful for the creative outlet that brings in a bit of extra money.

c. I’m blogging for pay at my business blog and in two weeks have managed to earn about $135. That is way too easy and I see why so many bloggers are doing it. I do promise that this blog will never have posts for pay, though.

d. Our trip to Disney World, while maybe not the smartest fiscal decision for our family in our current circumstances, is going to be less expensive that we had thought or planned for. God has provided discount park tickets. We’re staying with my folks in their large timeshare condo. We’re sharing cars/gas. Jesse is under 3 and therefore free at all venues.

e. We’re due the nice rebate check from the government - yes, it’s a bad fiscal decision that our government has made to give it, but we are gratefully accepting it anyway - it will help to pay for our California trip.

So although our future is a bit uncertain, there is hope. I just needed to recount the blessings to see it. Thank you, Lord.

Done Speaking...

Posted by on 04/03 at 10:36 AM

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I think a good way to get through bad times/struggles is to remind yourself that this life is only temporary. All the comforts in the world don’t matter. There is something greater on the other side that awaits us. Keep that in mind, and every problem melts away.

Posted by on 04/03/08 at 09:44 AM
Denis, you’re so right. Thanks for that reminder. And I was updating my post when you commented.

Posted by jen on 04/03/08 at 10:08 AM
Amen, Denis. Thanks for reminding all of us.

Posted by on 04/03/08 at 10:33 AM
Lots of prayer from here, as well as virtual hugs and an encouragement to let yourself be angry/sad/frustrated for a time if you need it - and to let God know that’s where you are, unvarnished and untempered. I think, sometimes, that as Christians we try to muffle our negative feelings because we feel that it’s a slap in the face to all the blessings God has given us. And while I agree that counting your blessings and trying, ultimately, to focus on those and the knowledge that God will provide - I think it does a disservice to others, to ourselves and to God to think that we have to put on a smiley face and balance cons with pros lest we come across as ungrateful.

Posted by beth on 04/03/08 at 01:42 PM
Granny’s video/song on her blog really does put things in perspective. Wish I knew how to link...can you do it for me?

Posted by on 04/03/08 at 02:42 PM
As always, you three are in my prayers.

Posted by caltechgirl on 04/03/08 at 02:51 PM
Thanks, y’all.

Beth, you’re right. And even if we try to stuff our true feelings, God still knows the truth of what’s in our hearts - good, bad, ugly. It’s why that Psalm was speaking to me today, I guess - and it was fresh on my mind from the message at church on Sunday.

Marmie, I can only link to her post and I’ll have to look at the video later. I can’t view YouTube at work.

Posted by jen on 04/03/08 at 03:38 PM
I agree with Denis and Beth...good reminders for us all. Your circumstances are temporary, in this life and beyond. And as I read your post, I could sense healing. It’s good to vent our frustrations and it’s good to balance those with our blessings. Without the bad, there could be no good. You are all in my prayers.

Posted by gwynne on 04/03/08 at 09:41 PM
Jen, I so understand that long season of feeling hopelessness and even despair. I’ll pray for you guys.

Posted by on 04/05/08 at 12:49 PM
Thanks, Gwynne and Kelly.

We’re doing better with it daily. God is so gracious.

Posted by on 04/05/08 at 01:52 PM

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