I mentioned in conversation (I think with my parents) a little while ago that I was going to search for a stay-at-home-dads support group for Beau. He sometimes struggles with the SAHD thing, understandably. My encouragement about his Dadhood is not sufficient to sooth him at times. And the product of his hard work, Jesse, sometimes hinders any encouragement (as toddlers will do when they act like toddlers).

ME: I think Beau needs to connect with other Dads in his situation, to share their feelings and to encourage one another.

I think someone said something here, but then the lightbulb lit in my own head.

ME: What am I saying? Men don’t share feelings. They’d talk about sports and cars and whatever else men talk about.

At that Beau looked at me and said, “And I don’t talk about those things either, so I guess the support group idea is out.” Or words to that effect.

True enough - Beau would much rather talk about political philosophy or theology or the latest non-fiction book he read or something more deeply intellectual.

Why he married me is mystery at times since I’m all about pop culture and TV and would rather die a fiery death than read non-fiction. (Not really, but you know what I mean.)

Anyway, I just want to say to the interweb masses that Beau is a fantastic husband and father. He may not be doing what he is wired to do (be the full-time homemaker), but he’s doing it pretty well regardless. I’m well taken care of as his wife and know that I am deeply loved and Jesse is a happy, well-adjusted, sweetly natured, mostly obedient little boy (he is almost 2, after all) who loves to learn about everything around him. His Daddy so patiently takes every opportunity to teach - one example being from lunch today when Jesse held out his hands and said, “Mess!” I handed him a napkin to play with and left it at that. Beau then came over and patiently showed Jesse how to actually use the napkin to wipe his little hands clean. And do you know that Jesse would grab that napkin each time he felt he needed to wipe off the “mess” and did an increasingly great job at it?

Beau, you are a great father. Never doubt that. As I’ve told you countless times, when Mother’s Day comes and all of the Mom’s get accolades for their hard work at caring for and raising the children, you have to understand that you are in that group of loving parents. I love you and couldn’t ask for a better father for my precious children. God has blessed our little family with such a Godly, loving, and faithful Dad.

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1. That SAHD’s should get in a group to share is total chick-think.

   Seriously, though, my Becky suggested the same thing once upon a time, and like Beau, I just wasn’t hip the group idea, despite loneliness.

   This is going to sound weird (maybe), and perhaps Beau’s feelings don’t mirror mine, but in my experience as a SAHD going on 7 years, the best cure for loneliness and strengthening of my heart came in the affection from Becky, attention from her, encouragement from her, and general affirmation of my manhood from her.
   Sex is a big part of it; it is connected to esteem and self-respect and confidence for most men. But public affirmations like this one in your post are important too.

   Again, Beau might be wired differently than me, but that’s my 2 cents from someone who resonated with your post here quite a bit.

   Posted by Jared  on  01/06/09  at  06:08 PM

2. Thanks, Jared. This is why I wished you guys lived up here. Beau would have you to talk to - and you two would have some serious conversations, I bet.

   Posted by  on  01/06/09  at  06:17 PM

3. This was a nice public affirmation, Jen.  I imagine that men must feel what SAHMs experience, only 10-fold.  It’s a shame that society places the role of parent below that of paid employment, especially for men.  The reality is that it is the most demanding, most important and ultimately, the most rewarding job of all.  And if I were to imagine what Beau is truly hard wired to do, it would be to parent his children full-time.  It is great to see that he has a wife who knows and appreciates that!

   Posted by gwynne  on  01/06/09  at  06:39 PM

4. I don’t know about in our little community, but there are several interesting bloggers out there who are intellectual men who also stay home and are the primary one in the family caring and raising the children.  Some of them fairly “dooce or mandajuice” level famous I think.  I may still be caught in the chick think, but I also believe the bible to be true when it says Iron sharpens Iron and men having trusted men in their lives is important (as well as the support and affection of their wives).  I am sure Beau has that as you all seem close with family and friends… I am just saying - he is also the spouse of a blogger, and perhaps the blogosphere has some interesting thoughts and support out there too.

   Posted by  on  01/07/09  at  11:22 AM

5. Gwynne, thanks. I believe that Beau is hard wired to teach and that is manifesting itself in his daily instruction of Jesse. He’s so great with him. I love listening to them have “school.”

   Amanda, this is partly why I encouraged Beau to start a blog. I was hoping that outlet would help him connect with other in a slightly different way. But that idea seems to be falling by the wayside as his days get busier tending to an active toddler. And with a baby on the way, I think his days are going to get even busier. Poor man!

   Fortunately, we do have great support from my parents and our small group. We’re pretty well connected at church. I need to put out feelers for other SAHDs in our church, possibly.

   Posted by jen  on  01/07/09  at  12:33 PM

6. I would think that there are some SAHDs in this area of the country that would be just as interested in talking about politics as sports - I think looking at church is a good idea...cause I do think it’s important to have that connection. (I know there are days when I just need to talk to somebody and get out of the house for social interaction that isn’t the grocery store.)

   That said - this was a wonderful public affirmation and I second whomever it was (Gwynne, I think) who said that it’s a pity the culture as a whole doesn’t appreciate parenting as a career more.

   Posted by beth  on  01/07/09  at  03:47 PM

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