Monday, August 04, 2003

Bryan at Clarity Amidst Chaos has a very witty post about fast, junk, yummy food that includes a rant (actually two, sort of) that made me laugh out loud.

tangential thought alert: why do fast food restaurants make up the stupidest names for their products? I feel like an idiot asking for the BK Big Fish, or the McChicken McByproduct McNuggets in a McBox. Isn’t it enough that I’m willing to pay money for food rated by the FDA as Grade D: Edible? Why is that they have to take my dignity and treat it like the stale fries in the bin left from the night before? And can’t we agree on an industry standard for ordering the next larger size in a combo meal? At one place you’re “king-sizing” it. then you’re “super-sizing,” or “up-sizing,” or “cholesterol-DSL-ing” or “going into angioplasty hyperdrive.” And they (they, of course, meaning the highly trained professional behind the cash register who earned his/her earphones by reaching the lofty goal of showing up for work on time for an entire month) always act so insulted when you use the wrong “upgrade” term at their culinary driver-through bistro. “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t ‘King-Size’ it here. That’s across the street. Here, we ‘Super-Larger-Jumbo-Biggie-it-Up Size.’” Yeah. I’m definitely checking for a loogie hidden in any burger handled by that kid. No Double Phlegm Burger for me today, thanks. And it’s never the same thing. At McCoronary’s, they have four levels of upsizing available. At Bypass King, it’s one choice, regular or Belt Buster. At one place, an upsize means a medium drink and fries, instead of a small. You go to the place next door and order an upsize, and they’re tossing a ten-pound bag of idaho spuds and a plastic keg of Mr. Pibb through your window.