Hilarity Ensues

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

From today’s calendar page:

John Thune has got a commonsense vision for good forest policy. I look forward to working with him in the United Nations Senate to preserve these national heritages.
—South Bend, Indiana; October 31, 2002

Wow.

Monday, March 21, 2005

This is a fantastic side-by-side pictoral from Campaign ‘04. Especially if you love W.

Courtesy: Outside the Beltway

I handle the civil process for our district. We have to turn in a monthly statistics report to notify HQ of how much process we handled in the district - including the criminal stuff. Anyway, it’s a much longer explanation that I won’t bore you with.

One of our civil clerks in a suboffice is out on short-term disability and I was told to contact a specific deputy about process. So I emailed him this morning to let him know that I never got the February report and will need the March report in early April.

I just got a response that reads very much like “all your process are belong to us” and made me laugh out loud hard. And it’s in ALL CAPS.

I really, really love my job sometimes.

*chuckling*

Saturday, March 19, 2005

If you’re wondering which you are, see here.

Link via Jaynee.

Also, scroll down for more hilarity - profanity alert for those who care about that kind of thing. I think this one’s getting added to the rolls.

Friday, March 18, 2005

This is both sad and hilarious.

Courtesy: Deb

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Rob is recapping his Disney adventures.

Part 1

Part 2

One snippet that made me laugh out loud:

Speaking of feeding, we got to the Lodge around lunchtime. It boasts two restaurants and a bar, none of which was open. “Oh,” it was explained with false chirpiness, “everyone is either out in the park or asleep at this time of day. But the snack bar is open!” (This was the first direct example I came across of Disney’s ruling philosophy regarding the accomodation of its guests: “Do It Our Way Or Screw You.” That example was to be repeated many times over the course of our visit. The concept of “Customer Satisfaction” at the House of Mouse is a mile wide and an inch deep.) Anyhoo, the snack bar proved to be a nasty cafeteria-style enclave down in the basement that wouldn’t have passed muster in the average Student Union. Not that the average student could have afforded it, however. When you get to Disney, it’s frightening how fast you start automatically thinking of prices in $50 increments.

Both hilarious. I can’t wait for the rest…

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Sounds like Chris had a bad morning.

Heh.

Via Robbo Llama Butcher (and I’ve seen this linked before elsewhere, but can’t remember where I saw it), the Gizoogle search engine.

Here’s the results page on a search of “lintefiniel musing.”

Here’s the results page on a search of “jen speaks.”

Both profanity-riddled and hilarious. Yo!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The aforementioned picture of CootieGirl. Apparently taken by one of the ladies at the daycare. I recognize the boy from other pictures that Denis has posted at O’s photoblog.

My mother pointed out the casual prop of her leg on the counter. Who instigated the kiss, I wonder?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

From the Bushism page-a-day calendar:

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

Credited to US News and World Report, January 3, 2000

Heh.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

A friend emailed this article to me. My favorite:

3. Anchors: Use dramatic verbs, even for minimal snow totals. Bad: “The region received a dusting today.” Better: “Snow paralyzed/pummeled/blasted/buried the Washington area today.” Better still: “Armageddon.”

Supposed satire that I suspect may really be true.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Seeing this poem cracked me up and reminded me of something I saw/said on the commute in with ECD this morning.

roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
all my base
are belong to you

Courtesy: Lemonlye

So we were driving on the Outer Loop of the Beltway and a small white hatchback moved into the lane in front of us. The license plate read “FFFFFF” and I chuckled.

“I’m such a nerd.”

ECD: Why do you say that?

ME: See that license plate? FFFFFF is the code for white on the internet.

ECD just glanced over at me and laughed. “You are a nerd.”

UPDATE: Link added to explain the “all your base” joke for anyone who may not know it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

My mother gave me a page-a-day calendar of Bushisms for Christmas. So far there have been amusing quotes, but nothing blog-worthy. However, Friday’s quote is hilarious.

“Arbolist ... look up the word. I don’t know; maybe I made it up. Anyway, it’s an arbo-tree-ist, somebody who knows about trees. As quoted in USA Today, August 21, 2001

Heh. This is what I love about President Bush - who hasn’t made up a word on occasion?

This may be the start of a whole new category. We’ll see if I get others that are funny enough to share.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Taking a page from the publishers who have decided that the translations of the Bible that we have aren’t quite PC enough, Robert the Llama Butcher has offered his own Revised Lord’s Prayer. It starts ...

GROUP HUG

Our Friend, in your Happy Place,
We’re really comfortable with who you are.

Go read the rest. Hilarious.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Robert the Llama Butcher shares a tale of rebellion in the classroom from his high school days. It’s rather amusing, although the reason for his rebellion is not so amusing. His commenters share equally rebellious and witty anecdotes (myself excluded) - it’s sad that these people were not the norm in our public schools.

My favorite part of Robert’s story:

I, on the other hand, absolutely refused the assignment. It was, I believe, the only time in my entire academic career that I did so. When my turn came to give my presentation, I calmly stood up and announced that I didn’t have one. When asked by the teacher why not, I launched into something of a rant about how idiotic the whole business was and how I thought the purpose of an English class - particularly an advanced one - was to hone reading and writing skills. I also used the opportunity to briefly give my opinion of Mr. Henry David Thoreau, who I thought (and still think) to be nothing more than what P.J. O’Rourke called him - a sanctimonious beatnik.

When I had finished explaining myself, the room was a sea of stunned bewilderment, as if I’d just cold-cocked Mother Theresa.

That’s just beautiful. Heh.

My moment of academic rebellion came in my freshman year of college. I was taking the requisite Religion 101 (Introduction to the Old Testament) class (I went to a Baptist college) and my professor was teaching heresy, imho. His liberal theology was astounding to me and I refused to give him the answers that he wanted on the exams. Instead I gave him the correct answers.

An example of what he was teaching is the account of the parting/crossing of the Red Sea. The Bible says it was the Red Sea that the Hebrews crossed when the waters parted and then when Pharoah’s army followed into the Sea, the waters came back together and the army was drowned. My professor taught that it wasn’t actually the Red Sea that the Hebrews crossed, but rather a small creek to the south. To me it takes a bigger faith to believe that Pharoah’s army drowned in a creek, but I believe in the miracles of God. He’s way bigger than our little minds can fathom. I was bothered that some theologians were trying to box God into man’s limitations.

At mid-term, I discussed with my parents the idea of withdrawing from the class because I had an academic scholarship and I was afraid that a failing grade would jeopardize that small bit of financial aid. To their credit, my parents were supportive of whatever decision I made regarding the class. I decided to stick it out and for my troubles I went into the final exam with a low D.

The professor knew what I was doing and called me into his office on the last day of class. “All you need to pass this class is a D on the exam. You know this stuff, just give me the right answers,” he encouraged. “I can’t do that, Dr. Heresy. You’re teaching wrong theology,” I replied. I failed the exam and the class. And I did end up losing the scholarship after the next semester.

Anyway, go read Robert’s post. You’ll get a good chuckle.